…and start creating healthy loving relationships, reducing drama and conflict, and living your most authentic life instead.
The workshop on this page will show you how.
You do things for others out of love and care, and you resent them for not giving back in the same way.
You say yes a lot, and take on the responsibilities of the world.
You think that most people just don't care about your needs.
You're a feeler, you're super empathetic.
You give too much (and maybe too easily)—more than you can easily afford to give.
You've been walked over and taken advantage of.
You constantly compromise to avoid conflict in your relationships.
You know your relationships are screwed up, but you aren't really sure why.
In short, you take too much sh*t.
(Let me be clear: ANY sh*t in your relationships is TOO MUCH).
If so, then the Take No Sh*t Workshop is for you.
Hi there!
Heather here. My friends call me Nookie.
I have a question for you:
Are you ready to create healthy loving relationships, reduce drama and conflict, and live your most authentic life?
If so, read on.
Do you have a hard time saying no to people?
I don't mean trolls on the internet, or jerkwads on dating sites (although you may have trouble saying no to them as well).
I mean do you have a hard time saying "no" or setting and enforcing a boundary with people you care about? The people who matter?
Do you find yourself continually compromising to "make things work."
Makes sense. It can be hard to say ‘no’ to others because you feel like you’re letting that person down or in essence, rejecting them. Or not trying hard enough.
And others know this just as well as you do.
And many of them will use that against you.
Your guilt.
Your desire for love and acceptance.
Your dislike of conflict (especially with people you care about).
Oh, I know that feeling well.
If you're lucky, you have at least one friend or family member who has told you that you need to be more clear, that you need to stand up for yourself, that you give too much, and you need to stop letting others take advantage of you.
I didn't. I hid what I was going through so well, even my closest friends had no idea.
I didn't want to turn them against my husband, the man I loved, just in case we could find our way through.
The most ironic thing is that I was raised to be a strong, independent woman. To know my worth. to do ANYTHING I wanted to do.
My artist mother wanted me to be the woman she knew I could be. The woman she dreamed of being in her youth, before her very kind but also narrow-minded and type-A parents made her toe the line and do what was expected of her.
My philosophy professor father taught me to think critically, to take no sh*t from anyone, to be resilient and to choose my own path. He praised my strength an independence throughout my childhood and teen years.
I took off, adventuring, climbing the corporate ladder, living a life of a young, upwardly mobile woman going places in NYC.
So, what happened?
I fell in love and I thought that all that had to be put away to make marriage work (I have zero clue where I got that idea).
Me in my first marriage:
I did everything I could to show my love and be loved in return.
I bought the lingerie. I set up the sexy scenes. I supported him emotionally (and financially when he stopped working). I learned what he liked and what he didn't. I did my best to be low-maintenance, be happy all the time, and keep it all together.
And I did. I built a business from scratch, I trained dogs as a hobby, we had disposable income and two homes...everyone thought we were the perfect couple.
Except that he was an alcoholic, lived with BPD, and was emotionally abusive for years.
When the threat of physical abuse finally came, I left.
Me when I left:
I wanted to know what went wrong. I read even more books—not only in print, but everything I could find online, too—about relationships, dating, psychology, even dug deep into science like communications theory.
I rebuilt my life. I joined and volunteered in various communities online and off: fantasy message boards, Pick-Up Artists' (PUAs) sites, dating apps and sites. I interviewed people about their relationships, about what worked and what didn't.
I made a ton of mistakes trying to do what others did, when what I really needed was to set and live with healthy boundaries.
Me now:
I’m living my passion. I write books about love, sex, and romance for people of all genders, relationship statuses, orientations and more. I teach workshops. I’m honored to coach amazing people to create lives full of love and connection.
And I get to spend my life with the most amazing human I've ever known, my partner Rodney, along with supportive and loving friends and companions.
My life is full of love that just works.
— Cat N., reader and student of Take No Sh*t book and Workshop
Here's what I think:
You want the people around you to feel loved, cared for, and supported. And you'll do what it takes…often at the expense of your own time and resources.
And when things go wrong (because no relationship is perfect), you often find yourself shouldering the blame.
So, you do what you're supposed to do, right?
You read the books, you join support groups online, you ask questions, you find out your love languages (and theirs), you learn to communicate better...
Because while all of that is important and useful, and you've probably done a FANTASTIC job of learning it, if your relationship is flawed, all of those things will only prolong the inevitable, allowing you to pour even more of yourself into a relationship that CANNOT grow into what you really want.
All great relationships are built on the same foundation: authenticity.
If you've found yourself having to change (or to change others) in all your relationships, chances are you're most likely lacking in one particular skill...
...It's the skill that allows you to stop struggling with people you love for power.
...It's the skill that can transform a stressful or boring relationship into one filled with joy and passion.
...It's also the skill that many people find the toughest to master.
I never blame anyone for struggling with it. Because it's not your fault. (And it's probably not theirs, either.)
You don't see this modeled in your family.
You don't see it modeled in your friends.
You don't see it modeled in the movies.
You don't see it modeled on TV.
In fact, when you have actually set and maintained a boundary at any time in your life, you've probably been told that it's wrong. That you should do "what's expected," "be nice," or "do as I say."
MOST people don't understand boundaries.
Many of us have grown up with fuzzy boundaries. Very, very few people are taught healthy boundaries at all.
We spend our lives being controlled by others, so we learn to control others—OR—we allow others to control us in exchange for love.
Does that resonate with you?
If so, read on.
For the last 15 years, I've been writing, teaching, and interviewing people around the world about what works in their relationships, and I've not only built my own successful relationship and amazing authentic life, but I've helped others do their same.
And the secret is just three simple things:
It's not about how much you give. It's knowing what to give and what to keep. And since most of us haven’t quite figured that out yet, we end up trying harder and harder each time hoping someone will notice and give back to us what we give to them.
(Spoiler Alert: it doesn’t work.)
Get rid of "F*ck no!" and meh in your relationships.
They sap your energy and your ability to love. They create resentment and get in the way of you being authentically you (and communicating that). Live your most authentic life without fear every day.
Refuse their sh*t (and clean up your own). Say no with compassion and in a way that reduces harm and hurt feelings. Or...don't. Frankly, some people aren't worth even that extra effort. Commit to healthy loving relationships from now on, choose people who choose you.
(Instantly recognize manipulation in yourself and others, and yeet that sh*t.)
Never fumble your boundaries again—AND teach people to treat you the way you deserve—even when you feel pressured, even if you have past trauma. Confidently and compassionately stand up for yourself, and NOT worry about what others think of you while you’re doing it.
(Note: See that I said "not worry about what others think"? Worry is something we do to be doing SOMETHING, when we want to feel control over a situation where we have no control. We'll talk about how to stop worrying about what others think of you, even when you do care, and how to balance those feelings.)
DISCLAIMER: I have to tell you...not everyone gets results like these, no matter how much they love my workshop. My clients get amazing results because we work together. Most people don't put into action what they learn or don't understand it and so they don't get results at all. Personal change requires effort, risk, and commitment to better.
But for those willing to put in what's required, I can help you build healthy boundaries that work for you using simple (but not easy!) techniques.
7-Week Masterclass
Each week we take a step closer to your best boundaries, making the process simple and clear. See below for the entire syllabus.
Group & Private Coaching
We have weekly group Q&A sessions with plenty of time for questions. If you're still struggling, book a one-on-one call with me.
Interactive Tasks
You'll have tasks assigned to you to help you know what needs to be done next, from taking this step or posting there, the process will be crystal clear.
Community
Make it easy for everyone to work together and support each other through the boundaries process.
What is people-pleasing, and why is it so harmful to your relationships? By differentiating between people-pleasing and true kindness, you can create relationships that are based on genuine connection and emotional intimacy.
What covert contracts are and how to recognize them in your relationships. Recognizing the presence of covert contracts can empower you to reclaim your agency and autonomy, breaking free from the cycle of dependency and obligation. You'll be better equipped to communicate your needs and desires openly and honestly, fostering healthier, more transparent dynamics that honor both your own autonomy and the autonomy of others.
What is martyr pleasing? We all know a martyr! By recognizing when you (or others) are engaging in martyr pleasing, you can work to create relationships where you can share the responsibilities and joys of life.
How to PUT YOURSELF FIRST without shame or guilt. Imagine the emotional freedom of saying "no" without guilt, potentially saving you from hundreds of unwanted commitments over your lifetime and preserving your mental energy for things—and people— that truly matter to you.
What are the 16 signs of people-pleasing? Spotting people-pleasing habits in yourself and others allows you to cultivate healthier dynamics within your relationships and you'll have the awareness to lovingly call out this dynamic in others and yourself.
The ugly truth of lying and manipulation in people-pleasing. By recognizing and addressing your people-pleasing tendencies, you'll cultivate deeper, more genuine connections, potentially saving yourself from the heartache of realizing your closest relationships were built on a fragile illusion of harmony.
Five examples of how people who love you MADE you a people-pleaser (and why they were wrong)! Reframe the well-intentioned but misguided advice you’ve received to empower yourself to set boundaries and assert your needs—and be LOVED!
The three key questions to ask yourself to shock yourself out of the people-pleasing habit. By assessing the future impact of people-pleasing, you might prevent years of accumulated stress and anxiety, potentially saving thousands in stress-related medical expenses and adding 5-10 years of healthy, authentic living and loving to your life.
I wanted this Take No Sh*t Workshop to the the BEST workshop out there on setting personal boundaries, so I've not only lived out my best life, testing EVERYTHING a gazillion different ways, but for the last 15 years, I've been writing, teaching, and interviewing people around the world about their boundaries.
People who said things like:
"For 40+ years I had no boundaries."
"I had to kind of constantly learn to adapt as a child to my parents' signals and try to figure out what I had done wrong to cause them to react in the way that they did."
"I felt like I was responsible for everybody else's reactions to me and everybody else's feelings towards me and what they were saying."
"The two of us were not communicating very well at all, so we thought, okay, we're going to try some relationship counseling. That didn't really go great because I realized that, the core issue was that I was not being ME—I was never really allowed to be."
"I've never wanted to be vulnerable with people. It took me ten years before I allowed myself to be vulnerable with my own husband."
"I never learned how to communicate with people in relationships. I was a s***** teenager because that's how I got affection from them and attention, but like communication? Vulnerability? NO."
"I've always been too vulnerable too fast. Like I wanted people to see the real me, and to give to me the love and care I offered them. To be trustworthy. That didn't work."
I've worked with and interviewed people who know a better way to love and experience extreme joy and authenticity:
I've not only built my own successful relationship and amazing authentic life, but I've helped others do their same. I've written over 1500 articles on various relationship topics. I've mentored dozens of people. I've taught classes on love, sex and relationships (including alternative relationships and kink) all over the world.
I've gotten the feedback and the questions through the years, and I've made that all a part of what I'm sharing with you.
Because a friend of mine said to me one day,
"Heather, that book is probably going to save lives,"
(about the book I'm writing right now—that you get access to!), and I believed her, and I want to live up to that faith in me.
And I want to give you the tools that I used to save myself.
No Regrets Workshop ($97 value)
A webinar coming up on August 26, 2024.
People-pleasing is challenging to kick, because there are so many "what-ifs?" we can ask ourselves.
In this 5-day workshop, we'll add a powerful tool to our toolbox: the No Regrets Life System.
Now, when I say 'No Regrets,' I don't mean doing something, then afterwards having to slap the "no regrets" label on.
I mean take every step in a relationship knowing that if it were to end tomorrow, or 5 minutes from now, or a year from now, that you would have No Regrets.
And when I say, No Regrets, I mean No Regrets if he tells you he never loved you. No Regrets if you find out she was cheating on you. No Regrets if you find out that they stole all that you have. No Regrets if they say they've never enjoyed sex with you.
Seriously. No Regrets.
And it's simple. Not easy, not at all easy, but simple—and I'll share it all with you in just five days!
Covert Contracts are Ruining Your Relationships! Audio ($27 value)
Do you ever feel like you're constantly giving, but never getting what you need in return?
I mention covert contracts in the book, but they could really be the topic of another book all by themselves! This audio unlocks the secrets of covert contracts, helping you identify these hidden agreements that can leave you feeling frustrated and misunderstood in your relationships.
(Unfortunately, the video stream when I went live in live in October of 2022 was of terrible quality, but the audio was fine. I've edited the original presentation, and I've added in commentary here and there specifically focused on people-pleasing concerns.)
Remember: This offer for People Pleaser No More! is exclusive to direct sale, and these bonuses are not available anywhere else. It's my way of thanking you for supporting my work!
Try the book and bonuses for 1 full year.
If for some reason, you don't find them useful I'll refund you the full book cost.
Just shoot my support staff an email ([email protected]) and we'll refund you
pronto.
Remember: This special price is exclusive to direct sale.
It's my way of thanking you for supporting my work!
See you on the inside,
Heather aka Nookie Claus
P.S. Recap of this ultra-long page for those who hate reading:
I left an abusive marriage determined to never do that again AND to find a storybook romance! 🤣
I consumed everything on love, sex, and romance that I could get my hands on, and realized that 99.9% of the relationship advice out there didn't work for me—and I needed to figure out what did, the hard way.
I made a million (plus or minus 3) mistakes and learned a powerful truth: I had to stop people-pleasing my way into the wrong relationships.
For just $4.99, you can get the book I wrote with the BEST strategies to drastically reduce or eliminate people-pleasing in all of your relationships—trade anxiety and resentment for joy, inner peace, and healthy self-esteem.
Also if you get the book today, I'll toss in two extra bonuses, a digital workbook companion to People Pleaser No More! and an audio of a presentation I did about covert contracts with brand new commentary specifically focused on people-pleasing to help you unlock the secret to finally feeling heard, understood, and respected in your relationships,
You can try the book and the bonuses for 1 full year. If you don't like them for whatever crazy reason, I'll refund you the $4.99.
I left my abusive marriage at 34, determined to figure out the secret of love, and NOT do that again.
Since then, I've read over 500 books about love, sex, romance and psychology. I've interviewed over 1,000 people about their relationships: boundaries, lies, communication and more. I've volunteered thousands of hours in dating sites and online communities, and even built my own.
I've hung out with seducers, liars, and cads of all genders (professional-grade and hobbyists, LOL!), learning what makes them tick, and the secrets to avoiding being prey in the dating jungle.
Right now, I'm living my best life with my partner and a very sassy cat, writing books, hosting workshops, traveling and speaking, and coaching amazing humans around the world.
When I'm not helping people create their next BEST relationship, I enjoy cooking for friends, hiking, chilling with Birdie (the sassy cat) and Rodney (the partner), and being creative.
Above all, I’m a big fan of wonderful people enjoying love, sex, and romance in happy and functional lives (whatever that might look like from human to human), and that it makes the world a kinder, more loving place for everyone.
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